Suddenly.

So here I am, listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack, pondering on life and such, when I come to the realization that my heart is temporarily out of order.
Hugh Jackman's heart can beat as one with Cossettes, that's fine with me. But as for my own heart? It has decided for itself that it needs a rest. Did I have a say in it? Of course not! I've tried my hardest to feel something--anything--but what do I get? A heart full of non-romantic love. 

Here is where my thoughts begin to wander back to Freshmen year:

I used to dream that love would never die. But it did, time and time again. And I can't stop myself from remembering when he slept a summer by my side, when he filled my days with endless wonder...then he just left. I suppose it was my fault. After all, (if we go far enough back)it was I who ended what might have been my healthiest relationship--the one that fills me with regret and love all at once. In the words of Katy Perry, he was the one that got away. And forever away he will stay. We may never see or speak to each other again. *Sigh.

What keeps my heart from taking another leap of faith:

1. Realizing he has once again, deleted our special blog that we shared so many memories on. (nice move. Not.) 
2. Fighting with Blake and ending the friendship temporarily.
3. Return Missionaries seeking pleasure. 
4. Lessons in my Marriage Prep class that opened my eyes to the fact that I've been in an unhealthy relationship for most of my life. Hopefully I'll escape from the perks thought "we accept the love we think we deserve."
5. You, you, and You.